對很多男人來說，婚姻的好處是永遠有個屬於自己的去處，而問題則是，永遠只能有這一個去處。於是，男人就用“拖”字決來避免面對這個問題。路透社說，當Carl Weisman還是單身漢的時候，他討厭自己被歸為花花公子、失敗者或不願作出承諾的那一類人。因此他打算認真研究一下，為什麼包括他在內的越來越多的相當不錯的男人依然未婚。
49歲的Weisman調查了1533名異性戀男人並寫成了一本書，旨在告訴女人，為什麼聰明又成功的男人依然孑然一身，並幫助一輩子都是單身漢的人了解，為什麼他們總是派對上那個形單影隻的人。Weisman得出的結論是，男人不是害怕婚姻——他們是害怕失敗的婚姻。
Weisman說：“害怕娶錯媳婦的男人比害怕永遠也結不了婚的男人要多出10倍。”，“這是第一代生長于離異家庭的人。如果你不結婚，人們可能覺得有點不對勁，但是這些人卻做了一個與眾不同的選擇，他們不願屈從於社會壓力。”
Weisman就此寫的新書名為《為何你從未結過婚？——關於男人為什麼沒結婚的10條真知灼見》（So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed）。由於當前越來越多的人選擇獨身，對於這些不打算戴上結婚戒指的人來說，來自社會和宗教方面的壓力比以前小了。
據Weisman介紹，根據他在網上的調查，有這麼三種單身漢——8%的人從不想結婚，有62%的人想結婚，但其中有一半的人認為如果情況稍有不如意之處就不結婚，還有30%的人猶豫不決。72%的人稱他們不懼怕婚姻，但是其中有一半的人覺得最令他們恐懼的事情是娶錯人。
“對於這些男人來說，找對人太重要了。對那些與單身漢談戀愛的單身女子來說，我能給出的最好的建議就是，要有耐心。你要是想迫不及待地結婚，你會受挫的。”Weisman說。
Weisman也通過這本書的寫作好好審視了他自己。如今他第一次和女朋友住在了一起。“我們現在開始想結婚的事了。我寫這本書的時候，我發現我在觀察比我大10歲的人，這就像看著自己的未來。”
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"Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all," Weisman told Reuters. "This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry, but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures." There is perhaps less social or religious pressure now for people to marry than at any other time in history, and men are taking advantage of that. In 1980, just 6 percent of men who had reached their early 40s had never married, compared with 17 percent today.
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Weisman based much of the information in his book on the results of a survey he conducted with 1,533 heterosexual men. He learned there are three groups of bachelors:
--Those who are sure they never want to marry: 8 percent
--Those who do want to marry: 31 percent
--Those who want to marry, but won't settle for anything less than perfection: 31 percent
--Those who aren't sure if they want to marry: 30 percent
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Nearly three-fourths of these men insist they are not afraid of marriage. They are, however, very much afraid of marrying the wrong woman. "It's so important to these men to get it right," Weisman told Reuters. "My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you're in a hurry to get married, you'll be frustrated." For some, money is a major reason why men won't commit to marriage. "Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," Weisman explained to Reuters. "While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them."
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The takeaway: Single men are not unhappy. Most have found great contentment in being a bachelor, creating lives that are full with careers, friends and ambition.
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